Grumpy: Hey, Mouse, did you hear this one?
Three Blind Mice
Three blind mice, three blind mice,
See how they run, see how they run,
They all ran over to London town,
Where tabloids cut off their sorry tales,
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice?
Mouse: Not sure I like where this is going…
Grumpy: One after another the Teapublicans sent their finest hopes for 2016 into the jaws of the London press corps, where they were all well chewed and promptly spit out to meekly return back to the loving arms of the American press.
Mouse: Ah, yes. If this is about Republicans getting their asses kicked, then I’m all ears.
Grumpy: First up for a healthy dose of reality from the London tabloids was Governor Piyush Jindal. Poor Piyush, he must have thought he was entering the cozy confines of a Fox News studio where he could make stuff up and get applauded for it. On the other hand he may have actually believed the stuff about Muslim “no-go zones” being established in cities across Europe. I wonder where he could have heard that. Those pesky Brits just kept asking him to explain. Have they no respect?
Mouse: When it comes to talking about “Bobby” who in their right mind could have any respect?
Grumpy: Obviously London was having none of it, but the American press didn’t cut him much slack either. If he thought Fox was going to back him up, well, they had already retracted the fantasy of “no-go zones”! Poor Piyush!
Chris Christie apparently decided that he’d show the Louisiana upstart how to handle the redcoats. Christie probably should have paid a visit to his doctor to get a vaccination against those pesky London reporters. The nerve of those people impertinently asking him for his views on the issue of the day, vaccination. The courageous Governor then bravely canceled future exchanges with the British press.
Mouse: Must have been a tough trip for Christie. The British are not known for the yumminess of their cuisine.
Grumpy: Oh, I didn’t even think about the cuisine. I’ll bet he probably warmed up though when he found out that “bangers and mash” is sausage and mashed potatoes. Of course I doubt he really even looked at the menus; he seems more of an “all you can eat buffet” kind of guy.
Before Christie did his disappearing act he managed to slip a jab at the President into his remarks to the press. Speaking on the topic of trade, Christie said, “I think the President has shown over and over again that he’s not the most effective negotiator, whether you’re talking about the Iranian nuclear talks or whether you’re talking about his recent foray into Cuba. The President has not proven himself to be the most adept negotiator, in my opinion, on behalf of American interests.” Has he never heard of the Dixie Chicks?
Mouse: I bet Christie thinks Dixie Chicks are some type of southern fried bird smothered in gravy.
Grumpy: Somehow any discussion about Christie turns into a discussion of food. I wonder why that is.
Last but certainly not least of the three blind mice, Governor Scott Walker made the treacherous journey across the pond. At least Walker took the lessons of Jindal and Christie to heart and said upfront he would not be talking to the press. Unfortunately for him he didn’t pledge to keep his lip zipped.
Mouse: What a shame. I’m sure his foot somehow found its way into his open maw.
Grumpy: Walker took to the stage at the Chatham House, the Royal Institute of International Affairs. One supposes he thought he would have an easy time of it. He probably assumed that anything connected with the royals wouldn’t be as cheeky as the London press. You know what they say about making assumptions, and sure enough the questioning made an ass of the governor. Walker was unprepared for a simple question: “Do you believe in evolution?” Walker demurred, saying that he would have to punt on that issue. Not a suitable topic for a politician to weigh in on, he further explained. Within hours he and his staff were explaining and backtracking.
Sigh! You know, Mouse, it is getting so a curmudgeonly, grumpy old man just can’t seem to maintain his image in these early days of the 2016 election cycle (not to mention the early days of the 114th Congress). With these Teapartiers tripping all over themselves trying to one-up each other before having to face their personal primary election Armageddons, they just keep putting a smile on my face. I can’t wait for ole Jeb to muster up the courage to venture forth from Florida. Come on Jeb, go to London town and show those Teapublican lightweights how to handle those redcoats.
Mouse: I hear ya loud and clear, Grumpy. My snark meter is off the charts already. And when it comes to the Teapublicans, I long ago figured out you can’t fix stupid. Not even with duct tape.
Grumpy: Duct tape.. ha… in Christie’s case maybe just keeping the plate in front of him filled with “bangers and mash” is enough. But only if his mother taught him not to talk with his mouth full.
